Starting weight: 240
Current weight: 232
Change this week: 0
Total change: -8
Holding steady for the third straight week. While I seem to be able to set small goals for myself and stick to them (climbing stairs all week? Yup. taking my lunch to work? Check.) I’m just not able to get myself together to control my eating habits to the degree that I can actually start counting down the pounds again.
So, I feel a little at a loss to know what to write here. I mean, this is supposed to be a weight-loss blog, yes? And there’s not a lot of that going on for me right now. I just feel consumed by what’s going on in other areas of my life, and I don’t seem to be able to pull it together to make good food choices on a daily basis.
Maybe I just need to be writing about those other areas. The thing is, I feel like anyone who reads this blog comes here to read about me battling my pudge, not about me whining about my work situation, my friends with difficult lives, etc.
And yet. I know that when I read your blogs, I really appreciate hearing about your lives. It makes me feel more connected to you all and to your struggles, and it’s good to know that those struggles affect your relationships to your bodies, just as they do for me. So maybe I need to get over the feeling that I’m not going to be giving you what you came here for. In fact, the issue is really that this wasn’t what I had in mind when I started this blog. I pictured myself reading regularly, posting regularly, regularly recording small losses in weight that added up over time to something I could be proud of. And this hasn’t been that.
A client said to me Friday that he wasn’t sure he was getting what he came for, but he was getting what he didn’t know he really needed. That’s the case here, too, I think. I wanted to be some kind of super-weight-loss-success-story, with a blog that people would read to gain insight and inspiration for their own struggles. But what I needed? That’s different. I think I need to be honest, to feel connected to other folks who are battling the weight and trying to forge better relationships with their bodies as they also cope with all the crap that gets thrown at you along the way. As I’ve been writing about lately, I need to give myself permission to be upset and vulnerable, and to be able to do that in the real world as well. This is an area in which I’ve made some progress, I think. I’m aware of how weird it feels to be quiet, or thoughtful, or grouchy or sad around others and not try to cover it up. The cool thing about it is that as I’ve given myself permission to be less-than-bulletproof, I’ve started to feel a little better. So, some of the weight around my psyche is coming off…maybe the weight around the rest of me will follow suit.
4 comments:
Personally I'd love to hear more of your 'real' life. Honestly, it will just make your weight loss journey even more personal and inspiring. I mean, the better we know you the more invested (& inspired) we'll be by your eventual success!
Of course, if you don't truly feel comfortable discussing your personal issues and real life situations here then I'd understand that too. Whatever you need to do, I'm here for the ride. I've really appreciated your comments and insight in my own journal entries.
Perhaps talking about the issues you are dealing with in the everyday world will help you to get on the path towards achieving your other goals. Most food issues seem to stem from other areas. Eating badly is often just a symptom of some other problem so working through those problems may remove the road block keeping you from losing the weight.
I think we're all here simply because we enjoy your writing and your thoughts. You don't need to be a super weight loss success story, just be you. It's what drew me here in the first place :)
Meegan
Meegan just hit the nail on the head. Just keep going as you are, Luna. :D
But I can surely understand the desire to be this amazing machine going ever forward. Its kind of hard to learn that it just doesn't work that was and to give yourself permission to be human and fallible. I am trying to do the same thing myself at the moment - trying to just listen to myself and not be too hard. It is an interesting ride to say the least!
- Squilla XXXXX
Do you have an email address? I'd like to "talk" to you.
Thanks.
I'm a friend of "S"
Meegan and Squilla-
You are wonderful women and gutsy, smart co-travelers. I am so thankful for your support and your kind words when I need them. You are both right--I started this blog as a place where I could just 'be', without having to worry about anyone's approval or about meeting anyone's expectations. How hard it is to break that pattern of not wanting to disappoint and wanting to be whatever people would most like me to be.
Well, obviously that's a pattern that needs breaking. I've never been one to talk about myself a lot...an old boyfriend once told me that I talk about myself less than any woman he'd ever met. But I need to do it, and so I shall.
Thanks, you guys, for being part of my journey. I gain support from your visits here, and I gain insight and inspiration from witnessing your own journeys.
Oh, and to Anonymous Friend of S and to anyone else: my email is juno1737@yahoo.com Feel free to drop me a line!
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